pessimistic cause all this. i wouldnt deny that its my fault.

lol... whatever it is, i just wanna say i have my perceptions, if u guys think is wrong, i would appreciate it. but if i give a fark up face, i would say this is me, and i do not like it. cant i have my own choice of wats right and wrong. cant i choose my own decision on whats right whats wrong?
everyone is changing, thats why one another might have misunderstandings.
every thing started just because i lied. just because i come up with excuses.

ya, after all this things happen, i mistook what u said( backing me up). because all i can remember is my ass getting saved by u all whenever i got myself into trouble because of my mouth during my secondary sch days. **** sry that i mistook ur words. the last time at kopitiam, maybe becos of the encounting days of enlisting my mood got sucky, tts y my birdbrain childish thoughts came out. **** i m sorry too.
my lousy look, my lousy attitude, my lousy reactions. i m sorry too. cause i do not know what react. how to smile, when i got myself into some stupid r/s thing. how to smile when i m enlisting knowing that everyone has ORDED. how to smile when alot of things are troubling me. the twist in my life thats gonna start after i enter ns. the responsibilities of an only child, only son. the reality in life, that my parents are getting old. i m just too troubled. maybe tts y i neglect the feelings of others around me.

P.s. fs i would say i fail to be a good friend or maybe a good brother. but it aint easy for me to set things the right way if i wanna be more decisive on my own. i know u tell me the mistakes tt i do is wrong. but sometimes i just wanna be firm with myself tt wat i m choosing it right. and i shld have some confidence in myself. but why is it things on being judged on me when u all start giving comments. all the things it didnt sound like advices. ur gf doesnt like me i don care, but u know me for so long, u know how pessimistic i m, tts y sometimes i cant set my thinkings rite. i may not be able to think like how u guys think. maybe i m still naive, mayb i m still a boy, but still i need room to grow. anyway i m just sorry, i m apologizing on my part.

P.s. jacintha, if u are reading this, please, i do not know how long i ll be able to bare. it seems like i m the one displeasing ppl around me. how come when i wanna be firm with my own decisions yet ppl come n tell me its wrong.

guess i made myself nothing but an option to others. LOL. what a joke.